The “Hipster” Paradox

In an overbearingly annoying attempt to not follow the crowd, hipsters have created the people that are the biggest sheep of them all.

Look around hipsters, you are all following each other. You may have succeeded in being different from us normal people, but next time you are at a reggae concert or hanging out with your hipster friends, please open your eyes and look around. All your hairstyles are the same (rocking dreads or a beanie), you all dress the same (thin flowing shirts with scarves, tight jeans, chucks or vans, and nerdy glasses), you all listen to the same music (reggae, techno, and anything underground), and you all hate the same things (anything popular). So by creating this cool, unique, rebellious group of yours, you have done exactly what you were trying to avoid: FOLLOWING.

There are TOO many of you now to be all calling yourselves different. 

Wake up. Look at a mirror or your best friend (it is the same effect because he looks exactly like you) and realize that you are living the biggest lie that there is. You are all the same and all following each other.

 

Three Movies that Determine Manhood.

I have made a comprehensive list of the movie series you need to like to have manhood. Take a seat this may take a while.

Alien.

Indiana Jones.

Star Wars.

*This list is non-negotiable.

How to use sarcasm and not get punched in the face

Why should you listen to my guide on sarcasm? Well. I’ve never been punched in the face. Except for that one night a few months ago, but that’s because I, under the influence of seven and a half Jager bombs, challenged a man the size of a rhinoceros. He broke my friend’s jaw then proceeded to casually walk over and strike me square in the face. As far as I’m concerned I was on my front porch and I can make fun of anyone I want.

Here are my relative guidelines to avoiding being struck, while also effectively using sarcasm to fit in and make people like you (<— there’s your first taste):

1) Always feel out the person first. Sarcasm can be taken wrong if someone doesn’t know your personality.  Especially if it’s a woman. There are women out there that do not take any shit. You have to be able to notice that quality or it will be bad. If you mess up sarcasm with that feminine beast,  she will publicly pick out and chew on all your insecurities, like an eagle picks at a bird carcass, and then throw the remains to all your nearest  friends to prey upon.

2) Never use racial jokes unless you know the person very well and there is a clear understanding that it is appropriate. Biggots are not well-recieved in society.

3) Smile you stone-faced killer. Sarcasm and smiles go together. Or you’re just an asshole.

4) You can’t make sarcastic jokes about an issue that is blatantly a problem for someone. For example, if you are hanging out with someone with a hump back (which is perfectly cool with me), do not call them Quasimodo. A lot of people mess this one up. They think making fun of real problems is funny, but it has to be something that no one cares about. Or you’re  just an asshole.

Good sarcasm: If one of your GOOD friends is wearing bright pink shorts, you can definitely say, “Did you use a tampon string to fish out those shorts from your closet?”

Bad sarcasm: If a woman (that you don’t know) enters the room with a giant mole on the tip of her nose, and you say, ” Who let the wicked witch of the west in to our place?”

Don’t  be an asshole.

Tipping…or Bribing?

After golfing a full round with my dad, he asked me if I had any change in my wallet. I instantly knew it was for the guy who was going to clean our clubs and store them away, so I reached into my pocket and tipped him myself. It looked like this:

Am I tipping someone or am I trafficking drugs?

Creativity is Defiance.

To create something new, something unheard of, one must defy a preexisting rule or discover an entirely new concept that hasn’t been introduced before. We would have never known that the world was round if someone didn’t question the generally accepted principle that it was square. Progress has always been sparked by someone who didn’t settle on the answers that were given to them by higher powers.

I have never been comfortable with the idea that if more people believe something, than it must be true. Let’s say someone wants to learn to become good at fishing. Just because a highly-recommended book I bought at the store states the best way to fish, doesn’t mean there isn’t a better way waiting to be discovered. If everyone followed what books and people said, there would be no progress and we would all become robots doing the same thing, over and over again.

Question everything. No one really knows anything about life. It is a system of information passed on by the people before us and we are taught to believe it. Defy pre-existing ideas and see if you can find a new way to do something. Even if it’s as simple as how you go about cleaning your bathroom or doing your laundry. Try new ways and you might discover that what is generally accepted as true, is actually not.

Everyone thought Abraham Lincoln  was president, but Tim Burton has shown us that he is a vampire slayer too.

Defiance is the root to creativity.

I am Me.

I’ve been wanting to write about this idea for a long time, but I didn’t know myself well enough to fully grasp the concept, yet alone describe it to other people. I’ve always known who I am inside, but I have never truly let it encompass my being, my personality, and my dreams. Before the evolution to my current self, (I say evolution and not transformation because I believe I have grown into myself, rather than changing into a different person), my mind has always been pestered by a noxious mixture of worry and insecurity. My being was a combination of what I wanted people to see me as and what I truly am inside, and all at the same time something bad was happening. If my outer image and my true identity were two people on a bed fighting for their share of the blanket, my real self was pushed to the edge of the mattress and left cold and coverless. My worries and insecurities were filled with the need to impress the people that mattered to me, but what I didn’t realize is that those people were with me regardless if I was impressive or not. I went about trying to impress them by trying to be good at the things they were good at, yet I was failing and it made me worried about whether or not I could make something of myself. I kept hammering away at trying to be something I’m not, until one day I went through a significant change that I like to think of as the rebirth of me. Not the me that wanted to be something that I wasn’t, but the me that could change the world for the better by differentiating from the personality type I was trying so hard to be. I may not be the best at sleeping with everyone I lay my eyes on and I may not be the highest paid chief executive officer in the greater southwest region, but whatever I do find my passion in, I will not let anyone on this planet stop me from getting to the top of it.

I really care about the people I chose to hang out with, man or woman and I will stop at no end to keep them smiling, no matter how stupid or goofy I look. I don’t enjoy hitting on drunk women and I’d prefer a woman discover me and fall in love with my personality. I don’t enjoy acting like an alpha-male in front of my guy friends, I’d rather have a good time and be a good friend. People who think I am stupid for doing what I do, are not smart enough to assess a person and see what they are feeling at any given moment. I will always put others in front of me even if it means I have to sacrifice. No matter how little the sacrifices, they add up. If I don’t get to eat where I want or I don’t get to chose the activity I want to do, that’s okay, if it means I can positively affect your day. They may think they got what they wanted, but they don’t know that I let them win. By making that person feel good, I got what I wanted. Even if the person realizes my efforts or not, I don’t care. Seeing someone smile is worth it. 

I am Me.